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Any program that helps individuals confront phobias (and social phobia is as real as any) always focuses on gradual exposure to increasingly stronger episodes of that person's worse fear (desensitization) in an attempt to convince the mind of the harmlessness of the stimulus -- which is always far less that perceived. But perception is reality, if it's real for your mind, then it's real.

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A First Date Idea:

You have no idea how glad I was to hear that I haven't blown it with this girl. You mentioned that she's open to me if I make the right advances and moves. Can you give me a first date idea? I am totally clueless here. I've read your reports, but I'm still not completely clear on certain things.

Being playful, for instance; I'm a very driven person and am not usually relaxed. Your relaxation technique works when I'm alone, but when I get around this girl I still tense up. Do you have any suggestions for this (other than some kind of tranquilizer)? I must be sounding pretty pathetic by now, but I really don't want to blow it with this girl.

I've never met a girl like her before. Also, when I do relax enough to ask her out, can you give me a first date idea or two? Should it be something classy (symphony for instance), or something more relaxed and casual (like dinner and a movie)? Thanks Derek, I appreciate all your advice.